its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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