She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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