Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
