Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
