Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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