omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
