just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
