Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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