Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
