Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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