I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
