how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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