I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
