a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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