ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
