i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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