make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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