you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
