Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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