so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
