Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
