gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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