Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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