my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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