i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
