the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
