The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
