Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
