dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm getting married
To pizza
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
