why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
