To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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