I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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