Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
