I got chris browned last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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