he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Your dad touched me again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a beard to bite.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
