My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
