His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
