You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
