Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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