If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
