Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
