I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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