Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
