The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
