I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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