i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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