i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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