he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
