she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
