Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
