hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
