i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize