I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
