It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
