Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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