Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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