I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
