i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
