i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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