i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
