i don't like sucking hair
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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