Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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