I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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