I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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