Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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