We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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