this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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