i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
