Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
